Commonwealth Essay-Writing Competition: First Sight of the Sea

A loose pebble, a tiny seemingly insignificant object, hopped down the rocky face of the mountain. More pebbles followed, gradually increasing in size, and rolled down the slope with a soft rattling sound like that of the poisonous snake.

The cause of the falling pebbles came from a shadow in the rocks. It seemed like an ordinary shadow, formed when rays of light could not touch the ground for obstructions. But something from within the shadow stirred and, like a beast awakening from its slumber, it yawned and stretched its limbs stiff from sleep.

The shadow turned around and took a tentative step forward out into the warm yellow light. A large sinewy body emerged, deep brownish-red skin covering its body. Its bulky limbs, thick with muscle, was furred with dark brown hair, and its head hair was mattered and its face unshaven. Its eyes, though shy, had the wild glint of a hunter in them. Its torso was covered in pelts, that from the great striped beast and the swift horned one. The pelts were sewn together by thin strips of tough leathery skin, from the evil creature, the snake, cursed to slither on its belly for life. It was a he, and the he-creature stepped out of the shadow and took in full view of his surroundings.

The rocky surface of the mountain sloped steeply down into a deep valley. In it was a clear glistening lake, its silvery surface undisturbed, and reflected every detail of the sky, blue as a kingfisher’s breast, with clouds of soft down. The ground curved skyward and seemed to pierce the sky with its mighty peaks. The valley looked as if the great beast of the sky had reached down and scooped up a pawful of earth.

A bird of prey soared overhead. It was unlike any other bird the he-creature had hunted. Those were small, broad-winged things that flapped frantically in flight. This bird’s wings were long and lean, and it effortlessly rode the wind. The small brown eyes followed the bird with curiosity like that of a child, with wonder of the feeling to soar in the air, to feel the wind stream past you.

The he-creature gazed into the sky until the bird of prey was way over the mountains in the horizon. A cool breeze blew past his face, with the fresh smell of melted snow. His unruly hair waved back in the breeze, and the he-creature turned his head in the direction the wind was blowing in. He looked up at the craggy slope and began climbing toward the peak.

He was obviously skilled at climbing, every step steady and sure. His body was really flexible like the snake which swam in water and was able to twist in the oddest of positions to get a footing. With an expert eye he would find a foot hold and would expertly step on rocks and his toes would curl and firmly grip onto the rock like a bird on a branch. He gradually ascended a steady climb, right hand left foot, left hand right foot, just like a cat scaling a tree.

The ground beneath the he-creature’s feet changed from a dark grey like that of the storm clouds to a pale grey of the clouds after the rain. The summit of the mountain was coming within reach. The he-creature swiftly reached the mountain top and he pulled himself over the top.

In front of him was a massive blanket of blue. A great beast in the blue stirred, and lifted the blue with it. Great foamy white paws would reach up and rake at the sky with a low rumbling sound, like a soft growl. It would tense up and roll in towards the land, then disappear in a cool spray of water with a soft splashing hiss once it hit the vertical rocky side of the mountain. It was a vast mysterious beauty, unlike anything the he-creature had ever seen.

It was man’s first sight of the sea.

Just a couple of sentences that i had written during class
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The she-wolf threaened him with bared teeth and full gleaming fangs dripping with saliva, which could be dripping with his blood if he had taken even a kitten step closer.

The rocky surface sloped down into the deep valley with he glistening lake filled with fresh snow water. The slope curved skyward and seemed to pierce the sky with its mighty peaks.

The soft brown fur rippled gently in the cool of the evening breeze. The light of the moon shone on the thick healthy pelt and made if glow a pearly silver.

Showing Paragraph3-Anne was bleeding profusely-

This is the one i am most proud of. out of the whole class, i was the only one who had interpreted it this way. but there were quite a few others which i really liked. Emma's one was really good, especially about the "the roses in the garden were as red as blood" part. And safiah's was freaky. I have no idea how she knew the mind of a murder. The description was so vivid, you could just see the red in her story.
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Anne crouched low to the ground, her soft white belly fur dancing lightly over the trampled and bloodstained grass. She curled her cut and torn lip back in a menacing snarl with her lean muzzle parted, revealing two sets of gleaming bone white teeth, dripping with blood from both her torn gums and wounds caused on the enemy. She snapped hard, wincing slightly as her teeth cracked and a sharp pain jarred through her head, but never lowered her guard. Amber eyes blazed with fury as she warily glanced around at the enemy. Her shredded ears were dripping blood down her whiskered cheeks, and they laid flat back in a silent threat. The ground beneath her thickly padded paws soaked with blood seemed to crumble in fear. Dried blood caked the limp and ragged fur on her bruised ribs, and fresh blood spilled from the wounds. Deep slashes marked her shoulders and spurted blood. She was feeling dizzy and light-headed, and her vision turning blurry from bloodloss. Lean legs stiffened and her body began trembling from rage, pain and bloodlust. Ugly teethmarks scarred her hindquarters, and clawmarks on the torn and limp tail. Clumps of sleek tawny fur were brutally torn out, leaving the skin raw and flesh exposed. Bone could be seen through the pelt, and muscles and ribs were clearly outlined under her thin and under-nourished frame. Anne flicked the blood out of her eyes and roughly shook herself, despite the pained protests from her broken and bleeding form. Relaxing her tense spine, she flexed her sharpened claws which were as gnarled as the roots of an ancient tree. The remains of her pelt bristled and her ragged tail lashed from side to side, sending clouds of sand and dust in the air. She gathered her hindquarters beneath her and, with a strained but shrill warrior's cry filled with rage from her slit and slashed throat, threw her whole heavy weight of muscle, sinew and bone at her attackers in a huge leap, claws splayed and fangs dripping. She was a bundle of death packed in the form of a flying blur of fangs, claws and fur. Blood leaked from her opened and reopened wounds and formed a trail in her tracks and splattered over the ground. Anne was bleeding profusely, but nothing would stop her from fighting to her last breath for her pride.

Showing Paragraph2-It was the most delicious meal andrew ever had-

Andrew stared hungrily at the exotic temptation before him. The flavourful scent of the thick slab of steak was hinted with a slight tangy spiciness, and it hit the roof of his mouth and sent electric jolts down his spine. It flooded his brain and made his mouth water. The medium-well meat was sizzling slightly, and juices were slowly oozing out. Andrew could almost feel the warm flesh roll about in his saliva filled mouth. He shakily reached for the knife and selected a corner of the steak to cut first. The sharpened edge of the knife sank easily through the tender flesh, and no traces of meat were left on the smooth blade, save for a thin coating of delicious fatty oil. the chunk of flavour was mere inches from his lips, and Andrew was already drunk and giddy from the aroma. His tongue wrapped around the slight crisp roughness of the skin. His teeth sank slowly into the warm meat. Instantly, the juicy flavour exploded in his mouth and sent his taste buds crazy. The meat melted in his mouth, the saltiness hitting the back of his mouth with full force. There was a subtle hint of sweet blood in the slightly raw flesh. He swallowed, enjoying the feeling of the warmth slowly slipping down his throat. Craving for more, Andrew cut another piece, slowly satisfying his tingling taste buds. He ate slowly, in his own time, savouring every bite, licking his moist lips for every last drop of the heavenly flavour. His plate was siped clean, and not a single morsel was left. He spooned down a steaming hot bowl of creamy soup, and it sloshed down into his stomach, making his whole warm. A small trickle of soup dribbled down the corner of his mouth, and his tongue flicked out and licked it up. Patting his budging belly, he slouched back in his comfortable chair and let out a huge sigh. His eyes shut and feeling drowsy, he slowly sipped on a sweet glass of iced tea. The cool of it soothed his wild taste buds and relaxed his mind, leaving him calm and contented as a litter of just fed kittens. This was the best meal Andrew ever had.

Showing Paragraph-I am afraid of the dark-

For English we had to do a "Show don't tell" creative writing thing. i was rather happy with my work so i decided to publish it.
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I squeezed my eyes shut, trying desperately to block out the darkness that surrounded me. Curling up into a tight ball, I rolled over in my bed, wincing slightly as the springs dug into me, making me feel as if the darkness was scratching me with gnarled hands. I opened an eye into a slit, daring to risk a quick peek into the black surrounding me. I felt it swirling around me like a cold dark liquid, the ghouls in it waiting to swallow me up into an unknown evil dimension. I felt the chill of it bite into my neck, and i snuggled closer to the wall for even a slight shimmer of comfort. Even the wall seemed hostile, the deep colour washing over me, threatening to envelop me. I shivered, every single sound, even the soft creaks of the night, amplified by a hundredfold in my ears. My eyes flickered open and i sat straight up, warily casting quick glances around for the eerie presence i had felt. but the haunting darkness glared back at me, and i cowered under my sheets shuddering. I could feel the icy breath of demons in my ear. I could hear the shrieks of witches in billowing cloaks waiting to lunge down and shatter me. I could just see two clawed hands of the devil reaching out for my to pull me into the lonely fiery darkness of hell. I could feel the heavy dark blade piercing my beating heart and long sharpened fangs slitting my throat. The darkness is not meant to be, and I never want it to be, or even exist, because is am afraid of the dark.